🎃 My Wife vs. The Seasonal Decoration Dictatorship

It is September 1st which means two things in my house:

1. Pumpkin spice propaganda has infiltrated every grocery store aisle.

2. My wife is staring at the storage closet like it is Pandora’s box, whispering, “Is it too soon to start Halloween?”

I keep telling her the same thing every year. “It is your house. If you want a skeleton sitting at the dinner table tonight, go for it. At least he will be quieter than the kids.”

But apparently, there is this unspoken law enforced by the “Decorate for the Season You Are In” Police. You know the type. Self-appointed neighborhood dictators who treat your front porch like a crime scene if you dare hang a spooky wreath before the fall equinox. They act like Martha Stewart gave them a badge and a mission to protect the sacred timeline of plastic pumpkins and inflatable Santas.

Here is my problem with that logic. Half of these people put up Christmas lights before the Thanksgiving turkey is even cold, but my wife is a war criminal for putting a skeleton on the porch September 1st? Please.

Honestly, my wife would decorate for Christmas on November 1st without hesitation. The Halloween candy bowl would still be full of fun-size Snickers, and she would already be stringing up twinkle lights like she was Santa’s foreman. Nobody blinks when that happens, but heaven forbid we have a zombie bride in the foyer while the calendar still technically says “summer.”

So yes, it is September 1st. Yes, our living room already looks like the set of a low-budget horror movie. And yes, I fully support it. Because if we are going down, we are going down fighting the Seasonal Decor Oppression Regime. One plastic jack-o’-lantern at a time.